In a Year...

... you can learn a lot of things. It was a year ago this month that Marc and I started trying for baby number 4. We have had a lot of obstacles. After Maggie was born, we decided that Marc should have a vasectomy. Actually, Marc really wanted it to be done because we had had three children in less than three years, and I was trying to be the obedient wife, even though I didn't feel like I was finished having children. He had the vasectomy and everything went well. Well, a year after the vasectomy, I still wanted more children. And it wasn't just a fleeting thought, but on my mind every day. So Marc decided to have the vasectomy reversed. I was thrilled with that thought and six months later, he went in for the surgery. The dr. then said that everything looked great and we shouldn't have any problems getting pregnant again. Little did we know the ride that God was going to take us on.

Month after month we would try and month after month I was so devastated that I wasn't getting pregnant. We decided to go in and have some tests done and found out that both Marc and I were having some medical issues. I was diagnosed with something called insulin resistance. Insulin resistance makes it very difficult for a woman to get pregnant. Marc had some issues, too. So I prayed and prayed that God would take away my desire to have more children. That didn't happen at all. In fact, my desire to have more children increased. So I prayed that God would show me areas that I needed to work on and also prayed that he would help me to be content with the children that I have. There were some areas in my life that needed immediate attention. And I've been trying to work on those one day at a time. But God has shown me how to love my children even more. Now, a year ago, I didn't think that I could love them any more than I did. But I started looking at the little things that made me happy. The biggest thing was involving Maggie. I loved her from day one, but the love seemed a little different than it did with Emma and Lily. Maggie had always been a daddy's girl and really never wanted to be with me. I started spending more time with her and purposely started taking her grocery shopping with me, had her go and run errands with me, etc. And I learned a lot about this little girl. I learned that she is so much like me (a very scary thought, especially when it comes down to the stubbornness). But she is also very compassionate, loving, and a little mommy in training. She is very careful with her baby dolls. If she accidentally drops one, she picks it up and lovingly gives it a hug and a kiss and tells the baby, "It's o.k. You're going to be o.k. I'm here to take care of you." And then there's a time every day that we can't go in her room because her baby is taking a nap. It's so cute and it makes me smile.

If I had gotten pregnant right away, there would have been some very valuable lessons that I would have never learned. And I would have never gotten to know Maggie the way I do now. I'm so thankful for this last year. Do I still want children? Oh yes. But it's so much easier handling not being pregnant when I know that God is with me every step of the way. I'm still praying for another child, but I now have a little more faith and know that it will happen. But it will happen in God's timing. And that's exactly when I want it to happen.