Waiting

Well, after 15 months of trying, Marc and I decided to put the baby-making on hold for a little while. We've tried and tried, but still nothing. So, for my sanity, we're going to wait. Believe me, it wasn't an easy decision to come to. But I was starting to get upset when the tests kept coming back negative. I am trying to be patient and wait for God's timing. And a few months ago, I was there. But the hurt is back. You know, the doctors keep telling me, "You need to relax. It'll happen when you're relaxed." So, I try to relax. But then they tell me, "We need you to chart everything -- changes in body signs -- ovulation -- etc." Can someone please tell me how I'm supposed to relax and chart everything at the same time without becoming obsessed and stressed out about maybe getting pregnant that month? I'm sorry if this sounds like I'm complaining that God just hasn't answered my prayer yet - I'm not. I still want what God wants for me. And I still feel that it's going to happen. The break was just needed. I feel I can relax more without all the other pressures. And if it happens, great! And if not, well, we'll start trying again in a few months.

Also, can someone please help me to answer this question --

A few days ago, someone asked me if Marc and I wanted anymore children. Of course, I told them yes. I explained the situation - the vasectomy reversal, the medical issues, etc. But felt that we weren't done having children yet. Then she proceeds to say, "You have 3 beautiful children (yes, I know I do). Why can't you be content with what you have? There are a lot of people out there still trying for their first. They would give anything to have 3 healthy kids." How do I explain without knocking her out that I don't feel done - that I feel that God has more children planned for us - that there really is an emptiness, a hole, a deep longing for another child. I would gladly take any suggestions.

This is still a growing process for me. I totally realize that. Am I enjoying it? You better believe it! Even though my desire to have more children isn't gone - God has blessed me with so many wonderful things. He is drawing me closer to Himself. Causing me to rely completely and totally on Him. He is drawing me closer to my husband. Marc and I have always loved each other - that will never change. But our love for each other has become so much deeper. Thank you, God, for this process. I know that in the end, we will have exactly what You want us to have.